He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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