Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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