I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
