i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
