I think I won the penis lottery.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
