The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
