how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
