I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
