i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I want a musical about memes.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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