I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
