Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
someone owes me an orgasm
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
