The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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