Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
