erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
