i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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