You're so nebulous sometimes
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
