I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
