i just sent this text using only my big toe
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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