i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
