that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
