Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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