i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
