I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
