he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
