remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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