I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
