i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Randomize
