You made me cry and you don't even care
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
