dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
