After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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