So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
