He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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