woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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