Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
