If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
