she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
