I'm gonna have a badass scar
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
