I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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