I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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