So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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