it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
