that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
