No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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