she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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