This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
