At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
