Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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