CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
