I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
so let's talk penis.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
