I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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