he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
