i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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