Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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